Fight ‘em till you can’t fight no more!

Frustration. Anxiety. Depression.  Self Doubt.

They come in waves, washing over me like some fetid ocean, dying and malignant.  With every rejection letter, or email, telling me how good my resume looks, or how impressive my qualifications are, but we filled the position with someone who fits our needs better, with someone with more experience.  We will keep your resume on file.  Sure you will.

Responses to a resume submission are one thing, they tell me that at least someone took the time to look me over, and decide I don’t fit their needs, and are courteous enough to let me know (so much nicer than the submissions you never hear from again).  Some of those positions, I know I wasn’t qualified for, but had to take a shot at.  You never know unless you try. It’s the positions that I am called for a phone interview, and never hear back from (really, Jelly Belly, I am not qualified enough to fill plastic bags with jelly beans?), or even more dejecting, the ones I am called in for an actual interview, and then sent a letter saying how regretful they are, good luck in your search, blah, blah, blah.  I suppose even that is better than the two I had interviews with, and never heard back from, one of which I was called back for a second interview!  The self-doubt really starts to creep when you thought the interview went well, when everything seemed to be clicking, and you really thought the interviewers were impressed.  “We regret to inform you…” What did I say wrong?  I never slouched.  I didn’t have a spot on my tie, did I?  Did I appear not to care about their company?  I just want to crawl back in bed.

But you can’t. You can’t give up. You have to keep fighting those doubts off. You’ve got to keep marching on, keep subjecting yourself to more of the same.  Keep expecting those rejections, and then deal with them. You can’t just give up.  There is too much at stake.  You can’t live comfortably in your pick-up. One of these submissions WILL pan out.  One of these companies will need you.  Just keep firing.  Let them pile up around you.  As long as there are bullets, as long as you are still breathing, you’ve got to fight ‘em. Fight ‘em till you can’t fight no more!

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Tequilla Lime Jello Shooters

Lime Jello shots of Tequilla

 
Using an idea from the web, I made Tequilla Lime Jello shots for a suaree I am headed to.  I also made some Vodka Lemon Drop Jello shots, but I haven’t sliced them into wedges yet.
 If you want to see the recipe, follow this link: LEMONDROPJELLOSHOTS
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unemployment stinks

This being unemployed is getting frustrating.  Sure, I have completely reorganized the garage, finished at least one major yard project, and got a start on another.  I have finally had time to scrape the old adhesive that held the mildewing indoor/outdoor carpet down to the back patio (ripping the carpet out was an easy task, done at least a year earlier).  This led to rearranging the patio cantina.  I have found time to refinish several old shelves, and hang one on the bedroom wall.  Almost finished refinishing an old coffee table for the patio cantina, and alrerady have a television stand completed and setup.  Those projects have helped not only pass the time, but to feel productive.  That may be the only thing that has kept me from sinking helplessly into depression.

The depression keeps trying, though.  It knocks at the door every day.  Like a vampire, it just needs to be invited in, where it will then be free to wreak what havoc on my psyche and emotions that it can.  Knowing that it is there, on the edge of my world has helped me to keep it at bay.  Its presence there keeps me looking for new projects, no matter how small.  Those projects fill the time, and occupy my thoughts, doing their job in keeping the dehabilitating force of depression at bay.  “Fixing a hole, where the rain gets in, to stop my mind from wandering.”  I can’t imagine more accurate lyrics.  Some days I just want to curl up and lay there, but I am afraid I may not get back up.  And so, I get up every morning, make some coffee, and search the job postings, sending out resumes to anything close to my experience, and hope that something comes through soon.  I can only continue to keep my chin up, fight the depression off, and continue the search, filling my spare time with little projects, to stop my mind from wandering, where it will go.

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nothing divides like that which unifies

So, the internet community rose up together and conquered SOPA and PIPA, for now.  That is a good thing.  Although I am certain that some senator or congressman will bring them back in another form, it is, after all, what they get paid to do by lobbiest.   The biggest and fastest growing online petition ever, websites going on a blackout, letters and phone calls to politicians.  The Occupiers should be jealous.  They couldn’t get that many people to agree on one thing for a cause they feel is the most justified cause ever (even amongst themselves).  But then, their message does not truly affect everyone, and their “solutions,” if you can find them, do not appeal to most folks outside of the fringe.  Try to censor the internet, however, and you are stomping on everyone’s toes.  So, rightfully and justly, we arose together and put out the flames of censorship so that we can remain free to post what we want, to say what we will, and to argue with anyone who dares to disagree.

I read a blog this morning about things the author did not, and will never, understand.  Simple things really, like football and Family Guy.  A light hearted account of everyday things that escaped her realm of interest.  The darkest subject broached was the Facebook debate, you know, when someone post their opinion, or an article they agree with, and others chime in with why they are in disagreement with that opinion or article.  Most often these “debates” go unresolved, with nobody’s mind being changed, and no one willing to look at a subject from another point of view, much like American politics have devolved into.  While the author took a whimsical stab at making these exchanges seem humorous, the subject is one that has been bothering me for some time.  Not necesarally debate, as a healthy debate, an exchange of opinions in which people are open minded enough to listen to each other and weigh those opinions honestly instead of just preparing the next volley of their own while the other is speaking, is how we learn how and why others feel about important ideas.  Honestly evaluating reasons of theirs and our own may lead to a change in our own opinion. However, that type of debate seems to have died.  The modern debate is nothing more than people trying to force their opinions on each other, demanding that their way is right, and all others are wrong.  It is this kind of debate that has led to the stagnancy of Congess, and politics in general.  Even if you disagree with your party line, you better not go against it.  If you are a represenative who does so, you will soon feel the wrath of your party, getting your funding and staff reduced or just plain thrown out of your party.  So much for the good of the people.  Debate today is more opinionated ranting than the exchange of ideas it used to be.  And that is where it starts to get ugly.

Nowhere can opinions get uglier than on the internet.  People feel safe to spew their negativity behind the screen of anonymity, even if they actually use their real name.  Ninety-nine percent of the time, those that see their rant will ever know or meet the ranter, so it is open season on all who disagree.  Most of the time, however, real names are not used, just in case the wrong person was to happen across it.  The real hatred is free to flow.  Hatred for everything.  All one has to do to see this is read the comments section under any online article. And I do mean any article.  You will see rampant racism, open hatred for homosexuals, utter disdain for any religious group, especially Christians, condemnation for the non-religious, and of course, complete contempt for differing political views.  It doesn’t matter what the article is about.  There is no story safe from becoming political.  No matter how mundane or seemingly unrelated to politics, you better believe someone will post a comment blaming Democrats or Republicans for the subject of the story, or why the story is even a subject. It can be a recipe for biscuits and gravy, and you will see a flow of comments about how the Democrats will keep this off your table because they want to control what we eat.  This will elicit explantions of why Republicans are all fat bastards because they eat this stuff.  Followed by some racist vitriol on how this food is eaten by rednecks or niggers.  Or how you deserve to die if you eat like this, this is why America is obese.  If a subject comes anywhere near religion, you can read about how stupid anyone who follows any religion is, and multiply that stupidity by five if they are Chirstians.  Not to be outdone, you will also read a volley of comments condemning all those ignorant athiests straight to hell, and why they will rot there.  God, afterall hates fags, the Westboro Babtist Church has made sure we know that (although I am quite certain I was always told God loves all of his children).  If you are gay, you will burn in hell.  Even if you are just tolerant enough to accept the gay person’s right to live how he wants, you are going to burn in hell.  Tolerance of others rights to live will aparently be what destroys society, not the hatred for each other that is evident in these comment sections.  Nowhere is racism more evident than in the comments following any article about sports.  The same sports the commentors spend every waking hour watching are apparently why they hate anyone of another color, if that athelete fails their team, or does something they don’t agree with, like buy a fancy car, house, or even over priced sneakers. 

If ever you feel that racisim, hatred, and intolerance are a thing of the past, that we have evolved beyod that ugliness, just spend some time in the internet comment sections.  You will be quickly reminded of just how far we still have to go.  And remember, it starts from within.  Drop your own prejudices, and stop throwing stones.  You can only see the target because your house is made of glass.  We who are imperfect have no right to judge the imperfections of others.

Peace.

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emotions spring from the strangest places

I often think of those we have lost.  In my family, it is almost always cancer that steals them from our daily lives.  I come across simple possesions that they once owned, often something they held dear.  Some will say that mere possesions are just things, that they are not to be adored, that possesions are to be cast aside.  How calous that would be.  Yes, I have my personal memories of those gone before, and they come to the top whenever I see things that once belonged to them.  They are no longer just simple things, but keys to those memories, unlocking thoughts and emotions that someties get put away, that are sometimes to much to deal with. Sometimes, they show up right when you need a happy memory, and sometimes they appear and take you by surprise.  Sometimes, you end up sitting on the couch in tears, holding yourself and wishing they were still here.  Other times, memories are released by things that have nothing to do with our own story, but are the story of someone you don’t even know, or have never met.  Maybe their story is similair, they have lost someone close to them.  Maybe their loved one was taken by a car crash or a fire or on a battlefield in some distant land.  Maybe it was cancer.  These stories are often the hardest.  Momentos from my own loved ones are always there, I know when I will come across them, and am usually prepared for it.  Happening upon someone elses story almost always brings me to tears, knowing what they are going through, remembering when I had to do the same.  Most of the time, there is nothing we can do for strangers, we are just reading about them, or seeing their story on the news.  Other times, however, it may be that we read their own words on internet sites like this one, and can reach out, and offer some kind words, to let them know they are not alone, that I have been in your shoes, and while the loss never gets easier, we get stronger in our ability to deal with it.  We arrive at a point in time when we can channel the good things, the happy memories, the smiles on faces we can only see in photographs.  That someday even the sad thoughts will lead to a happy memory of someone who meant so much.

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reindeer fun

 
whole herd
a whole herd of christmas
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
      

the lone reindeer

 
 

Melanie needed some extra crafts for her craft show table, so I made these little guys. They have magnets on the back, to put on the ‘fridge.
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Decay

Latch & Windowfenderlove & rustGrillWood & WindowsWood & Windows 2
bandedFading ColorsPortholePortholes

Decay, a set on Flickr.

remains of yesterdays past

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